i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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