even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
