he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
