DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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