It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
