Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
