Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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