i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
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Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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