i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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