first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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