She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
