Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
