you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
