He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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