She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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