hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
