Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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