there's paper in my vomit.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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