at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
