her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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