I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
