I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
