I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize