You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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