my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
