My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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