just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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