Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
