You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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