Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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