I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I love you. Go after that dick
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
