Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You ruined the universe
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
