I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
