Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
