Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
