I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize