Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
