I just pynch a tree in the face
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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