I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
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I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
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How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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