I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
