If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
