We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
