Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
