I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
