I can tuck mytits in my pants
I skipped work to stalk him.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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