Little spoons don't ask big questions
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
