new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
