so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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