Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
