yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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