I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
