I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
