I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
