so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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