shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
