Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
