I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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