His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Can Purell be used as lube?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
