just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
