It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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