Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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