We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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