Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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