I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
