hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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