Whod you bang
I'm jealous of your bromance
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
