you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
