I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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