does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
