I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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