she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
