cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.