morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize