In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think I am morally bankrupt
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable