I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.