Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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