Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?