I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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