On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
