No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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