where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
