just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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