My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
