i think my tv is drunk
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
