Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
this is an emotional support booty call
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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