cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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