she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
