Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
