so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
