I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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